Testimony - Brittany Ross

 

Ever since I was a child, I'd pretty much been raised in church. I'd always known about God, identified myself as a Christian, and sang in both the children's choir and youth choir. I was a pretty good kid. Although I was familiar with church and God, I really really really feared Him. Not in reverence, but sheer terror. It's funny now that I think of it, but back then...it wasn't. I remember going to healing services every third Sunday night. I DREADED it because I knew that all these creepy things were going to happen. Seeing people pass out under the "power of God" or scream and run around the building did not look like loving fun to me. I remember a lady fell into the piano and stood up with blood dripping down her face. That didn't help...at all. Even though I was terrified of God, I seemed to always talk to Him. I prayed very personal prayers to Him at night and just talked to Him as a friend. The only problem was that I never let Him fully reveal His love to me. I was convinced that if I let Him express His love to me that He would knock me out or do something to me in the middle of the congregation that would completely embarrass me whenever I came to. I was unaware of the fact that God's expression of His love on us is personalized. His affection can be gentle and sweet.

A few years went by with me still keeping Jesus in the "friend zone." I would "technically" tell others about God and I (with the help of my sister) successfully lead a neighborhood friend to Christ. It was awesome, but it lacked true passion. I was not sharing Christ out of love for Him and I knew that, but i didn't know what to do. It wasn't until I was about age 16 or 17 (4 or 5 years later), that I finally let Jesus court me. There I was in a youth service just minding my own business. This youth service was like none I'd ever encountered. When it was worship time, they'd cut the lights down low and have the fog machine going. It was really romantic and dreamy! Ha ha! There was a Christian singer named Canton Jones who'd grown up in that youth ministry and he'd come and lead worship whenever he was in town. I remember the love of God being so heavy on him. He completely radiated when he sang to and spoke about the Lord. I remember seeing that and longing for Jesus to show His affection to me like that. I can honestly say that in that moment, I had a crush on Jesus. I desperately needed to know how to get close to Him like that. What happened next was completely God's pursuit of my heart. Canton got all of is in the room into this circle, told us to lift our hands in surrender to Christ, and then went on to pretty much tell us what to say to God. The words that he gave us to say were words of pure affection and adoration. I'd never said those words to or about Jesus before. I'd always talk to God casually, but not lovingly. I remember as those words came out of my mouth I began to feel butterflies and warmth in my stomach. I couldn't help but giggle, smile, and cry a little. It was precious.

I've been addicted to the affection of my Lord ever since. I realized that I don't have to run laps around the building if I don't want to. (BUT, I now also understand why those people do!) He's completely ok with me whispering, "I love you," or softly crying in His presence, or writing and singing sweet songs to Him, or even imagining myself twirling and dancing around in a field of sunflowers with Him. The Lord handles us all preciously and personally. What an amazing thing to know that His love and affection is intimately expressed to us in the way that He knows is more effective. Besides, who else knows us better than Him? And, who can love us better than Him? I'm going to take a wild guess and say...no one. :)

 

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